It’s My Party I’ll Dance If I Want To!

I have taken the title of this post from my son, Buster's (4) favorite song (Tonight, by Hot Chelle Rae). He was belting  out the chorus in the backseat today, not even caring that he couldn’t say the words!! I thought it was a great metaphor for the last two days…..

So, yesterday I was confronted in the parking-lot by one of the school mums (car park mum). She told me that I had to stop writing things on the internet. She said that my Blog was making me appear mentally unstable….(There seems to me to be an awful lot of Blogs on the internet. I’m wondering if she would class these authors as unstable also??).

For me, blogging is my voice. As a SAHM I often turn to social media for adult interaction during the sometimes, very long, and often lonely days. Reading about others experiences on their Blogs and on twitter has really made me feel less isolated and alone. Reading about others has also helped me support and validate my choice to be SAHM. Over the past two weeks I have had readers from all over the world look at MY Blog, MY thoughts and MY stories. Maybe some of these readers are struggling with issues of their own, maybe they are interested in what other sporting families get up to. Maybe there are some readers who are also dealing with apraxia and can take some solace in the fact they are not alone. Maybe some readers are dealing with passive aggressive bullies in the workplace or at school. Maybe some of the readers are also SAHMs looking to be part of a wider village of other carers who are also at home, with feelings of isolation, looking after children.

I have two main aims for my blog, My first aim  (regardless of its sport-centric focus) is to present reason, balance, humor and food for thought. If my experiences can make a reader think or help a reader out, or even show them that they are not alone on their journey, than I believe I am on my way to accomplishing my first aim.

Before commencing my blog, I researched the topic and read plenty of advice offered by other bloggers. One common piece of advice was to choose your blog topic and write something that you are passionate about. For me, choosing a topic was easy, because I am passionate about my children and sport. I came across other youth sports blogs before starting my own, so I knew that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way about kids and sport. There are also thousands of bloggers out there who write fervently abut their children, and I have  learnt so much from reading the stories of others. I am hoping that others may be able to learn from my experiences in my blog.

My second aim for my blog is to record the journey of my children’s participation in sport. For that reason I am relaying personal stories and feelings. These stories are a true and honest account of my life. If I appear unbalanced, then so be it! Perhaps it will make reading them more interesting!

I’d be lying if I said that I feel a little uncomfortable knowing that there are people out there who don’t like my blog, reading my blog. I have to say that in the dead of night I have contemplated giving this blog away altogether. But that feels like I am being told what to do by someone else. I have received advice from other bloggers to ignore the detractors. That’s exactly what I plan to do! These people are just a very, very tiny part of my story; Just a hurdle to jump for my blog and myself. I intend to continue to write  posts about my family and their journey to their dreams. So here it remains. My SportyMummy Blog in full and glorious defiance!! This is MY Blog, MY Story, MY voice!...MY party..Just watch me dance!!!

Why I’m Not a Kids Sports Committee Mum….. Yet!

The thing about kids sporting clubs is that they are organized by volunteers. These wonderful people do a fantastic job administering the club, setting up, packing away, fund raising, scheduling competitions and training times. There are countless tasks they perform and these are often thankless tasks as well. Many of these volunteers forgo precious family time to work on behalf of their club. They do this so that the children in the club can get the best possible experience of being involved with a youth sports club. The simple truth is that there would be no youth sports clubs if there were no parents on the committees.

My children and our family have reaped many benefits being involved in youth sports clubs. I am thankful for the tireless efforts of the individuals who make these clubs possible. Now that Buster is 4 and becoming slightly more independent (although I still carry him around on my hip at most Little Athletics meets). I am feeling the moral obligation to contribute to the organisation and running of the sporting clubs my family are involved with…..but there is one major hurdle……

I suck at committees!! There, I’ve said it! If there is such thing as an anti-Midas touch, then, that’s what I have when it comes to committees! I don’t know what is about me and committees. I honestly have the best of intentions, but everything just goes ‘pear-shaped’. It’s like I’m too enthusiastic, or I try too hard. I manage to completely alienate everybody and it has just never worked out!

My first experience with committees was at our playgroup. I thought that I should do my bit and contribute to the playgroup committee, so when I turned up to the meeting and was presented with a 20 page document entitled ‘minutes’…well….you could have knocked me over with a feather….In my naivety I thought “this is a play group..what more is there than a biscuit and cup-of-tea roster”…how wrong I was! Lesson number 1: never assume anything!

I by no means aim to degrade the fabulous work that a committee does, however in my personal experience, committees seem to be loaded with committee people. Committee people are extremely efficient and hardworking, but also seem to have a very high appreciation for detail and correctness. I think I am more of a ‘big picture thinker myself!’

When my eldest daughter reached pre-school. I was the enthusiastic newbie mum. I had read somewhere that if a parent is involved with the child’s school, than the child is more likely to be successful. So that’s what I did! I turned up to the first committee meeting and somehow, although I’m not entirely sure how, I ended up with the vice-presidents position. Lesson number 2: never just go to a committee meeting  if you don’t want to walk away with a position!

So, just when the president decided to take a 3-month overseas holiday, I decided the right thing  to do was to stick up for the poor young mum in her early 20’s that had volunteered as a fund raising officer. She was trying to suggest ‘new’ things such as a ‘family fun day’ and (heaven forbid) a Krispy Crèmes stall. This was all too much for the committee stalwarts who would rather carry on as they had done for the past 10-years with lamington drives. In defending the new, young mum against the bullying behavior, I was also targeted  for bullying, I received abusive emails and phone-calls. I even once had a chair thrown at a meeting and the doors slammed. I vowed never again!! Lesson number 3: learn from past experiences.

Now, when I check my in-box I am confronted with guilt, as the various committees of the sports my children play are literally begging for more parental help. I am happy to help out by baking goods, selling raffle tickets, and actually helping the kid s out and doing time keeping and other such  duties at the meets. Because my children are so involved with these clubs, I really feel that I should be doing more for these clubs myself. In a way, giving something back to these clubs that we have so enjoyed being a part of…….. I am almost thinking about joining a committee!!

GrumpyDaddy, is horrified. He remembers my past experiences with committees and definitely does not want to re-live the drama. (I also suspect he does not want to be left looking after the kids while I am off doing committee stuff!!).  I am myself conflicted. Should I learn from my past experiences and resign myself to knowing that committee work is just not for me? The alternative is to try and let go of the past and give a new committee a try. You never know, perhaps involvement will open new opportunities for self fulfillment, new friendships, demonstrate to my kids that I am interested in them and their activities. Perhaps I will be surprised? Or perhaps I will be learning another lesson…. lesson number 4: I told you So!!

I am wondering what experience other readers have had with kids sport parent committees and if you would recommend joining one? Please let me know what you think in the comments.

Jumping Over Hurdles

This is the post that I’ve really been wanting to write, but I’m not sure if I should. I think about this often and it really seems to impact upon my life. You see it was not just the incident itself, but the ramifications for me are ongoing.

I went to the school as usual to pick the girls up. Another mum was there and I stopped to have a chat. The girls asked if they could practice their hand-stands and cartwheels on the oval, which was about 50m away but still in my vision. Whilst they were on the oval a boy approached them and at close range, to my shock, threw a rock  the size of my fist, straight at muscle’s face. I witnessed the entire incident. Of course I would have tried to intervene if I had any idea what that boy was about to do. The mother of the boy was also in my vicinity talking to a group of other mothers.

Now, muscles does have a penchant for drama, but in this case it was justified. There was a gash just above her eye and it was bleeding all down her face and she was screaming!!

None of the mothers on the playground came to offer any assistance. A teacher finally came out of the classrooms with some toweling to mop up the blood. The mother of the boy bought him over and he said an insincere ‘Sorrwee’ and was led away.  I was then left to carry a distraught muscles and two backpacks, whilst trying to convince flash and buster (who were also crying) to walk to the car. Still nobody offered any assistance.

I took muscles to the chemist and he applied some tape stitches to the wound. She developed a bruised and black eye. Her eye was so swollen that she couldn’t shut it properly for about 3 nights and she cried each of these three nights trying to go to sleep. My poor sweet little girl. She had done nothing to deserve this and I was so angry.

Muscles eye exactly 1 week after the incident (I didn't think to take a photo before that)

I reported the incident to the school, but they informed me they could do nothing because it happened after 3;15 (at about 3:20 actually). Two-days later the boy was given an award at the school assembly for having ‘a great sense of humor’ (I realize the events were unrelated….but still!!).

Muscles eye eventually healed and only a small scar remains on her eyebrow. However, the mother of the boy has never offered an apology, or enquired as to how muscles is. Two of the other mothers at the playground later apologized for not helping me. They both said they were not good with ‘those types of situations’.

Another mother in that spectator group I previously regarded as a good friend. She has spoken two sentances to me since the incident. Buster is in the same preschool class as her young children. He was one of the few children not invited to their recent birthday. My children are no longer invited to play dates or holiday activities with the children from this group. That group of women and others have formed this clique that I am completely excluded from. They are mostly SAHMs who are ALWAYS at the school. Because I am also a SAHM the social interaction I got from the other school mums was often the only adult conversation I’d have all day. I have heard it said that a betrayal hurts worse when committed by a good friend, and that is how I feel.

Because they are always at the school in their ‘group’, I feel extremely intimidated going to pick-ups. I feel anxious going to school assemblies and other school gatherings such as BBQ’s. I find it difficult to help out in the classrooms knowing that these women will always be there. I try and hold my head up high and convince myself that it doesn’t bother me. But it does. Muscles went through a period of being scared of going to school and feeling unsafe. She is now only scared when she sees the rock-throwing boy.

I think if Muscles had received a sincere apology from the boy involved, or a later apology or concern from the mother, it would be easier for us both to forgive and move on. Even some empathy from the school or the other mothers would help. I do have several good friends who have supported me through this, however, they also have trouble with the cliques at school and are themselves rarely ever there.

I could just try and forget about this and I think that given time it would all blow over and be forgotten about. But, I don’t want that! If my children are been teased, or treated badly by a ‘friend’, my first response is to ask them if that child has the characteristics of a good friend and suggest that they choose another, kinder friend. So, that is exactly what I intend to do. I will not let myself or my children be treated this way by anybody. Therefore I actively choose not to associate with the mother of the rock-throwing boy or even the group that support her. I just hope with time feelings of self-respect and self confidence will replace the anxiety that I still feel.

Motherhood is a journey and I guess even Sportymummys have hurdles to jump!!!