Enough With The Testing…Some Speech Therapy Now Please!

Well, after first seeking speech therapy for my 4 year old son Buster at the beginning of this year, he has just today, had his second appointment. As I sit writing this, many  words come to mind to describe how I feel…. frustrated, deflated, helpless, worried, impatient….

Was hoping the dark clouds would be blowing away soon

Today Buster was subjected to a further 2 hours of testing…actually the same test three times over, to determine if he made the same errors each time!!!  Because Buster makes ‘unusual errors’ the therapist seems convinced that he has a structural abnormality in his mouth or nose. About 30min of sticking torches and mirrors up there didn’t reveal anything unusual…except for his gigantic tonsils…..

I tried to respectfully point out our family history of dispraxia, I tried to tell her that my older daughter also had a similar way of speaking, often making the same errors. At the end of the session she says to  me

“…you know what…I think he may be dispraxic……”

In my head, all I could think was  "....well, Doh!! Halleluiah!.....”

Still, she seems determined, almost in a belligerent way, that Buster has a structural issue. I am happy to see a ENT specialist. I have a referral and an appointment (our GP, who has seen my daughters battles, also doubts there is a structural problem). However, the earliest appointment I can get is next March…NEXT MARCH??? Although she didn’t say it outright, I am concerned she will not give Buster any meaningful speech therapy until I have the structural abnormalities issue ruled out.

I just feel so sad for my poor little boy. I can see him trying so hard to be understood, but his mouth just doesn’t seem to do what he wants it to….he was given another appointment in exactly 1 months time…for further testing...........(FFS!)

One thing that I have learned through my experiences with Buster and my daughters speech difficulties is tolerance and compassion. Truly, unless you walk in somebody else’s shoes you really have no idea what the parent and child is actually dealing with or going through.

Just yesterday a mother bought her daughter to Busters class, from another class, for a make-up lesson. The little girl didn’t receive Christmas cards from the other children and had an absolute meltdown. The poor mother was also dealing with 2 other children. The little girl was fighting and screaming not to get in the car, the other mothers drove away as quickly as they could. Although I was worried that I would embarrass her or make her feel awkward or uncomfortable,  I decided to go an see if she needed any help.

What she really needed it seems, was to tell someone that her daughter had been diagnosed with Aspergers  and a Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).  We ended up speaking and connecting for 10 minutes and I think we both left the preschool feeling much happier and more contented.

I also feel this way when I connect with people online that are going through similar things with dispraxia. Sometimes it’s just nice to know that others have been through what you are going through and can understand that it can be so hard!

I fully realise that there are people dealing with much bigger problems than dispraxia. Although my son hasn’t been diagnosed with autism many of the #YouMightBeAnAutismParentIf hash tag comments on twitter ring true for me and I feel like I am part of a wider community of people that are caring for children with special needs.

From my personal experiences and everything I have learned online,  I have made a pact with myself not to judge, or make assumptions of  parents or children when I catch a glimpse of them in the supermarket, playground or car park. If the situation warrants it, I will do my best to offer assistance and  empathy (even if is turned down) to others instead of  just walking away. By doing this I hope that I can become a better parent for my children and become a better person myself.

The Dispraxia/Apraxia Family Curse

My mum has always had trouble pronouncing words. When I was growing up, other kids used to ask me where she got her accent from?? She says, at school, she was bullied by the other children- they called her ‘china man’ My mum was also bullied by the teachers as they often gave her the cane, or she was made to stand in the corner with the dunce cap on because she couldn’t say her words correctly.

When my eldest daughter was turning 3. We could really notice that she was not speaking as well as other children her age. Some days this inability to communicate would infuriate her so much that she would bash her own head into the wall in sheer frustration. My heart was breaking for her. My life had turned into sleepless nights and tears….from me!! Of course the alarm bells were ringing!! I took my daughter to speech therapy drop-in clinics, appointments with child behavioral experts and private speech therapy. She even attended a special language intervention preschool. The Speech therapist diagnosed her with Dispraxia/Apraxia. I was determined to do whatever I could for her, so I practiced her sounds with her every moment I could. I made flash-card after flash-card and stuck wall charts all over the house. I Purchased any item that implied that it would help her….must of driven the poor kid mad!

By the end of her pre-school year my daughter showed no obvious signs of Dispraxia. At the start of primary school it had all become a distant memory. Wikipedia defines Dispraxia as “a motor learning difficulty that can affect planning of movements and co-ordination as a result of brain messages not being accurately transmitted to the body”. Flash, who seems to clearly remember what it felt like to have Dispraxia has told me “ try talking while holding your tongue between your teeth, you think you are saying the right thing but it comes out the wrong way”. I have since wondered if all the effort and intervention actually really helped her, or would she have come through all right on her own? My second daughter had showed no signs of language difficulty. Surely I wouldn’t have to go through that again??...

…then came Buster. Buster is an awesome kid. If you take the time to get to know him you learn that he is out-going, imaginative, a comedian, affectionate, loving and caring. However, he also has the hardest time speaking. As he sounds identical to what my daughter did, I am pretty sure he too has Dispraxia. Even though I can basically understand what he is saying, strangers, (especially those who don’t even try to understand) have absolutely no idea what he says. Because he is so out-going, he is not quiet in public spaces. Honestly, the looks and stares I get from some people, often, sadly, mothers with young children, make me feel judged, alienated and alone.

However, I have not panicked as much with Buster as I did with my eldest daughter. He does not show the same signs of frustration as his older sister, and I know that she can now speak well. I took Buster for a speech assessment in March this year, and he has been on the waiting list for further assessment since then. I finally have an appointment for him in a few weeks. Most of me is happy and relieved that he will finally be getting the help that he needs. A small part of me however is reluctant to be on the speech therapy merry-go-round all over again….