Monday 21 May 2012

Advice Worth Sharing


When my eldest daughter was still a small toddler I took her to music classes…. You know the ones…where the parents sit in a circle with their children on their laps clapping hands and singing widely  out of tune nursery rhymes…

The teacher was a lovely older lady with six adult children and many grandchildren of her own. At some point in the class she would put a piece of relaxing classical music on the CD player. She would instruct us parents to just lie on our backs, close our eyes and relax. If our children required our attention we were to tell them that mummy was relaxing and that they needed to wait until after the song was finished.

Most of the mothers that attended our lesson were first time parents…off course we were madly in love with our children. We were also madly in love with the ‘idea’ of being a parent….I know that I was pushing myself to be the best possible parent I could be. 

The music teacher told us that this was the most important part of the lesson. She said that if she could teach us just one thing than it would be this 

…to make sure your child understands that you are a person and you need some time to be a person as well….

 Our teacher said that being a parent was hard. She said some days are not good days. She said sometimes you just need to take some time out to center yourself….so you can do your job of being a parent again.

At the time, I didn’t really buy into this. I thought it was kind of ridiculous that I had to lie with my eyes shut, for 2 minutes and basically ignore my daughter. I remember thinking that the teacher must have forgotten what it was like to be a parent of young children….what sort of music lessons was I paying for???

When we first started, the toddlers would pester their parents no end and were quite surprised that they were not the center of attention. The teacher would  calmly tell each child to just wait until the song was over . The teacher and the other parents would tell the kids this over and over for the first few lessons….but as the weeks progressed the children became used to the song and the concept of relaxation time.

The 2 minutes became routine for the children. They knew that their mummy was going to relax while the music was playing. I found the most amazing thing was that, after several weeks,  my little daughter would snuggle right up next to me, close her eyes and relax until the music had finished….(if you knew Flash as a toddler, than you would know just how remarkable this feat was!)


Flash as a busy toddler


So that is the advise that I am sharing today. The same advise that was given to me all those years ago. Try to teach your child/ren that you are a person too. And that you need some time to yourself sometimes…

This could be some relaxing time to a piece of music…some computer time while your child plays independently for a few minutes. It may even mean leaving the child in the care of  their dad, a trusted family member or close friend so you can get some exercise, a coffee with a friend, a hair cut or a wonder around the shops...

I didn’t take much time for myself when my first child was a baby. I think I may have tried too hard to be too perfect. I felt it hard to step back, relax, take some time for myself. I guess I was a bit of a control freak and I would feel guiltily at he thought of anyone else looking after my baby.

My first baby was an extremely difficult baby (see my post about lactose intolerance here) and in a way I was a little embarrasses to let someone else look after her and see what a miserable crying  baby she was….I was convinced the neighbors, listening to her scream all day and night, listening to us walking past their houses with her screaming in the pram…must have thought that I was the worst parent on earth! My little daughter was also very clingy and suffered badly from separation anxiety.

Until the music lessons I didn’t understand how critically important it was for me to take some time out from parenting…even if it was just for  2 minutes of relaxing music (…and it’s better than hiding in the toilet!)

When my other babies arrived, I kept the words of our wise music teacher in my mind…I gave myself permission to take some time to relax occasionally and I think I was much happier therefore and a much better parent.

I'm sharing this post over at Diary of a SAHM for #TeamIBOT (I Blog On Tuesday). 



22 comments:

  1. Great advice! Yes I do believe in taking time out for yourself as an individual and also to build relationships with say your hubby too. I know some parents don't have extra help to tk days off but even just a few minutes a day can do wonders.

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Ai :) That's a good point...I didn't have any family living close to me when I had my babies...makes it hard to find some time out!

      Delete
  2. i really loved this post - i can imagine it being so hard as a new parent or not, to remember that you are a person and need time outs too and that is no reflectioni on your love, or how 'well' you parent. Absolutely remembering this for my future x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for your lovely comment Lyndaal :)

      Delete
  3. Fantastic advice.
    Those paragraphs describing your 'first baby' experiences/feelings were like a mirror for me.
    Thank you - and that wise music teacher.
    :-) xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Shar..I guess all the good advice in the world can't really prepare a person for becoming a new parent!

      Delete
  4. Love this post! Great advice and a reminder that we need to TAKE that time for ourselves, as it is rarely GIVEN :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cathy! You are right on! it is very rarely given...time out often needs to be planned and organised!

      Delete
  5. what fabulous advice!! I see the excitement in my friends eyes with their 1st newborn.. not knowing the lack of sleep, constant noise, answering silly questions over and over again.. and then realise.. I was the same.. all those years ago!! I will find a piece of music and play it every day at 4pm for 2 minutes for relax time (beginning of arsenic hour in our household!).

    #teamIBOT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Yvette! nothing quite prepare a person for motherhood...at least the realities of motherhood anyway :)

      Delete
  6. Such a great piece of advice. I think taking that time for ourselves often helps us be more present for our children in the end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mandie...I think your right. Taking a little time out is certainly nothing to feel guilty for!

      Delete
  7. Such timely advice given my recent bouts of mummy guilt! Thankyou for sharing xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lisa....and thanks so much for following the SportyMummy Blog :)

      Delete
  8. What a wise woman your music teacher was. And I relate to your inability to understand at first! I had one of "those days" today. Would have loved to lie down for 2 mins on my own!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...oh dear! I so hope you got a chance to relax for a few minutes (or more!!). Thanks for your comment :)

      Delete
  9. What brilliant advice! Such wise words. I love way the kids ended up going along with it. A great habit to start

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks Chantel for your lovely comment!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I love this post. Fantastic advice. What a clever music teacher, it's so wonderful to have wisdom like this imparted on us... even if we don't 'get it' at the time.
    It's so easy to get caught up with being a parent, to the extent that we never switch off from it. I am guilty of this... but slowly getting better and allowing myself time.
    But I do like the idea of routinely training children to respect certain times and moments, as it will help them in later life immensely. Thanks for passing the advice on xo

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great post Nic and such true words. What a wonderful way to teach them as well.

    Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses #teamIBOT

    ReplyDelete