Monday, 20 February 2012

I Really Hate Housework

“….But you don’t do any thing all day…”

This  was the reply I received from my 8 year old daughter when I told her I was too busy that day to go to the shops and by her some ‘essential’ craft materials.

This statement, although uttered out of disappointment , actually really hurt me more than I’d like to admit. I think it hurt me because my job at the moment is working as a stay at home mum, by choice. I know full well how little value society places on being a SAHM. It seems that my own children, the very people I am doing everything for, also place little value on the work that I do (for them!) as well.

What really made her statement strike a chord is that I hate doing the house work! I find it mind-numbingly boring. I derive little satisfaction from it because it is all messed up the next day…the dishes and clothes get washed, just to get dirty again. Some of it is really disgusting, like scrubbing toilets, showers, wheelie bins and emptying cat litter boxes. I hate house work so much that sometimes I actually convince my self that it doesn’t matter…..I’ll do it tomorrow….maybe…but even though I detest doing the house work, I still do it!...... for my family.

Well...maybe I do have some help!!


But the house work does matter!! I really want to make our house a clean, safe haven for the kids and GrumpyDaddy to come home to after school, work and sports training. Deep down I know that it matters to me….and I want it to matter to them too!

I still have trouble comprehending why SAH mums have such a low status in today’s society. I hate being asked ‘what do you do’ because I am honestly embarrassed by the answer. I feel like I have to justify myself by saying…’actually, I have a PhD in medical research you know’…but I never do.

If I could choose one thing to make matter this week, it would be get society to accept the work that SAH mums do as inherently valuable and indispensable. However, I realize that this is impossible to accomplish in one lifetime, let alone one week.

So, for this week, I intend to make house work matter for me and for my children. I want to feel proud of the work I do for my family behind the scenes. Cleaning, scrubbing, tiding, washing, packing, driving, cooking, organizing, form filling appointment making/keeping…..etc. I want my children to value the work that I do and feel proud of me for doing it. Just has they are proud that GrunpyDaddy is a scientist!

I think the first step in getting my children to feel proud of me for doing all these things is to feel proud of them myself!

Part of my personality make-up is being a planner (weather I carry out these plans is another matter entirety). I draw up a weekly plan for myself which includes which household chores I am going to do that day. That is Monday; bathrooms and toilets, Tuesday: kitchen, Wednesday: vacuuming and dusting….etc. I also like to have a menu plan and a shopping list. I need to do this because it stops me from over thinking which job to do…and then end up doing nothing. It also helps me plan chores, and cooking against the kids sporting commitments.

The kids don’t know about this to-do list….. Yet! This week, I’m going to hang this list on the fridge! For this week, I’m even going to get my kids to add a sticker for me when they see that each task has been completed…..just like I have the kids doing with their reward chart. When 50 stickers have been reached, I plan on buying myself a treat!! Hell yeah J

So, this week my goal is to make my household duties important, and matter to me and my family! I think that all parents should be proud of the work they do behind the scenes for their families. I truly believe that society should also value this work.  This week I will be starting with myself and my own family…making the house work matter.



I am linking up this post with the Me and YOU making IT matter meme on A Parenting Life. If you have a goal that you really want to make matter this week, add your post or comment …because in the words of Michael Jordan


‘You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them”

(I read this quote on twitter from @JBMthinks)

I'm also linking up with Diary of a SAHM for #IBOT (I blog on Tuesdays) come and read some other amazing blogs!



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46 comments:

  1. Ai Sakura20 February 2012 at 14:39

    Gosh I hate housework too. But completing a task does make me feel quite accomplished :)

    Sometimes hubby says that to me too in terms of household chores and I really feel it stings. Our home isn't those you see in mags, but at least it's not covered in dust and cockroaches!! Even if you are a FTWM, sometimes you still get judged by the state of cleanliness our house is in...

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

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    1. SportyMummy20 February 2012 at 16:43

      Thanks so much for your great comment Ai! You make a great point about FTW mums being judged on the cleanliness of their houses also!

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  2. Crazed in the Kitchen20 February 2012 at 15:22

    I loved this post! I became a SAHM after working as a teacher for 10+ years, and I often want to tell people about my master's degree too! I am also working on doing better at housework. When hubby and I both worked full-time, we split the household chores. Now that I'm at home it's more my responsibility, but that's sometimes a hard transition for me to make. Plus, my time at home is limited (maybe just one more year), so I want to spend that time with my kids while I can. I was planning a housework blog post too, so look out for that. I had my own system in place but it hasn't been working. Maybe your chart is the answer--adds accountability and shows the kids exactly some of what we do around here!

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    1. SportyMummy20 February 2012 at 16:49

      Thanks so much for your kind words! I too had a hard time at first with the transition of working in a respected professional field and then becoming a SAHM. I am hoping to return to paid work next year and I am worried about that transition too!!

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  3. Emily20 February 2012 at 16:07

    A reward chart for mum! Brilliant. What treat will you be buying yourself?!

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    1. SportyMummy20 February 2012 at 16:54

      Ha! Thanks Emily...the kids get to choose something from the $2 shop or the iTunes store. I'm thinking I should scale it up a little for myself....say the Apple Store and a new computer!!(in my dreams!). I think I'll settle for a great new pair of jeans for the winter!

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  4. Unknown20 February 2012 at 16:26

    Ugh, I'm with you on housework. And that's exactly what I have to do - make a list, plan it out, a little here, a lot there. Loved this blog.

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    1. SportyMummy20 February 2012 at 16:56

      Thanks so much Donna...I'm so glad I'm not alone in dreading housework and needing to make lists to get it done!!

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  5. Canadian Cousin20 February 2012 at 17:56

    I have a confession to make. I enjoy house work. It's the time it takes away from my family life that makes me crazy. So I've started to tell my boys what I need them to do to help. They never last until the clean-up is done but they sure enjoy 'helping'. :)
    Confessions of a mom who works outside the home too

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:37

      Wow! It's so good to hear from you!! My little ones like 'helping' too. I used to do it all when they were either asleep or at school...but I think it's good for them to see what I'm doing and "help' out as well!

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  6. Julie20 February 2012 at 18:05

    Yes, another hater of housework here, but, like you say, I recognise it is important.

    Like you said, your daughter's comment was made out of disappointment, and I'm sure she didn't think of all the ramifications of the comment, but it sure was hurtful. It makes me sad to think that kids of that age are already picking up those kinds of attitudes towards stay-at-home mums. I do a lot less on my 'work' days than I do on my stay-at-home days!

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:40

      Thanks Julie! I completely agree with you when you say it's sad that kids are already picking up on the negative attitudes....It's one of the reasons I've decided to do something about it...at least in my family!

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  7. Unknown20 February 2012 at 18:05

    My family didn't realise how much I actually do around here until I hurt my back last week and haven't been able to do much since. They've all had to pitch in. Being a SAHM is a really physical job! Give me a cushy office job any day!

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:42

      Thanks Alex! It's amazing what gets taken for granted! ...the vacuuming doesn't actually get done by itself does it! Hope your back feels better soon!

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  8. Deb @ inner compass designs 20 February 2012 at 18:20

    I would rather read a book than clean and have to push myself to stay on top of things like bathroom cleaning (laundry and vacuuming seem to be easier for me). Love your new approach - i am a big fan of accountability and actually used my daughter to help me give up diet coke (she would get $1 if I had one and it pushed me not to disappoint her - only had 3 or 4 in the last 6 months).

    Deb @ home life simplified

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:43

      Thanks Deb...and thanks so much for sharing this post today :)

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  9. Laurie20 February 2012 at 18:31

    Thank you so much for this post, it's so nice to hear I'm not the only SAHM who hates housework! I too am a scientist with degrees, and have chosen to stay at home with my kids. Even though it's my choice, I've never enjoyed cleaning or cooking. And like you pointed out, it all gets undone almost instantly so often I feel like what's the point!

    Lately I've been trying to get the kiddos to pick up after themselves more. They are old enough now, and I reinforce the fact that it's unfair (and undisciplined) for them to expect me to pick up after them. They get it out, they put it away. Not and easy rule for me to enforce since I leave my own things out often!

    Thank you for these ideas on how to make the rest of the family realize the value of what we do!

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:45

      Thanks so much Laurie for your wonderful comment! I'm so glad there are other SAHM's out there who completly 'get' this!!

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  10. Nat - Muddy Farmwife20 February 2012 at 19:00

    Housework can be very unrewarding. I love that you've made it rewarding by getting stickers and a treat! Great to let the kids see just what you are doing for them each day.

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:46

      Thanks Nat! It seem to be working....the kids are very excited for me as I get stickers on my chart, so it seems to be making an impression!

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  11. Anonymous20 February 2012 at 19:19

    This speaks to me on so many levels! Thanks for sharing. Fantastic post.

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:50

      Thank you so much, that was such a lovely thing to say!

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  12. Stampinlady20 February 2012 at 19:33

    I too hate housework. Feels like Groundhog day revisited ... I would rather cook, create, read, sleep. Nothing stays done. You can work all day, and not see a thing for it. Maybe I need to pay myself ... I am not a list person, but maybe I should be to see how much I do instead of being put off by what never looks done!

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:52

      Thank you! I'm with you completely...sometimes there is just not much to show for all the hard work you put in!

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  13. Misha - TheBlingBuoy20 February 2012 at 19:44

    A reward chart for housework is a brilliant idea! Really, I love it! I cleaned out the garage, pantry and the oven (ick!) this weekend and it felt great to cross it off my list. And I think it's worth a trip out to a coffee shop with a friend don't you think?

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:53

      Thanks Misha! Definitely worth it....enjoy your coffee!!

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  14. Anonymous20 February 2012 at 19:54

    Oh Lov, have had the same type comment from my kids too since I have been a SAHM...well I set them straight and sat them down and ran through my day and how things would look if I just sat and watched TV all day!! Also told them about all the extra chores they would have too do if I went back to full time work...shut them up real quick :)

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  15. Mum on the Run20 February 2012 at 21:11

    I'm avoiding looking my Enjo glove in the eye right as I type here!!
    I love the satisfaction of a tidy, clean home - but man it's hard, boring work!!!
    I love your Mummy reward chart idea.
    Enjoy those stickers - and the reward you earn.
    :-) x

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:56

      Thank you Shar! The kids are already discussing my reward!

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  16. EssentiallyJess20 February 2012 at 21:21

    I don't mind housework, but I find myself doing less and less of it these days, because I forget to plan it in. I'm a planner too, so when I don't plan, it doesnt get done.
    I really must plan to change this.

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:58

      Thanks Jess! .... you seem just the type of planner that I am...

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  17. Laura @ Twenty5seven20 February 2012 at 23:05

    I like cleaning but I hate tidying and I have to get through that before I can clean. Luckily my 4 yr old likes cleaning so she helps out a lot. Her vacuuming or window washing might not be perfect, but I'll worry about that when Vogue Living comes around to do a photoshoot ;o)

    I find working fulltime *much* easier than being a SAHM (part of the reason why I returned to work) but i agree, I get far more kudos now then when I was a SAHM.

    Not only that, but if the Mister has a week off and does one load of the dishwasher he gets a medal, if I broke my leg but managed to clean half of the house, nobody would blink.

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 02:59

      That's a great point Laura!! There must be a medal ceremony somewhere for men who do a load of laundry!!

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  18. Becky from Becky and James21 February 2012 at 01:36

    I hate, HATE the housework. My hubby makes me feel like I never do enough and the thing for me is that it's not a natural thing for me at all. I come from a family where the men always did everything - my mum, nan and aunt were not the house cleaners and so I never learned, so it's such a struggle for me. Some days I wish I could just leave it all so he can see how much I DO!

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    1. SportyMummy21 February 2012 at 03:01

      Thanks for your comment Becky! you might be on to something there...strike action perhaps!?

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  19. Life Love and Hiccups21 February 2012 at 02:56

    I think the work of. Sahm is much harder than heading off to the office. I have done both and I know how tough it can be at home. I broke my legs q couple of years ago and spent 2 years in a wheel chair on and off. My family had no choice but to all chip in to get thongs done and I think it has been a blessing in disguise as they appreciate me much more these days and offer to help me out. Xx

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    1. SportyMummy22 February 2012 at 04:18

      Oh Sonia...I'm sorry to hear about your legs...there is an easier way to get the kids to help out though ;)

      Sorry, just kidding...thanks for your comment!

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  20. Rhianna 21 February 2012 at 04:10

    Nicole this is a great post, thank you so much for linking up. You make some great points. The one that resonates most with me is about your attitude. I found when I changed my attitude to the housework it became much easier to deal with.

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    1. SportyMummy22 February 2012 at 04:19

      Thanks Rhi!! Keep with the kinl-up!! it's really a great idea!!

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  21. Anonymous22 February 2012 at 00:40

    Can't wait now for my two girls to be old enough, so I can start the sticker idea. That sounds like a brilliant plan. And maybe the only way as a SAHM to get a treat from time to time. Because it's just a fact that the job of a SAHM never ends...it's 24/7 and that makes it so hard sometimes.

    I must admit, although I find housework boring as well, sometimes it's the only way to get some sort of satisfaction out of the day. As in, when I feel that all I've been doing all day is changing nap pies, cleaning dirty noses and dealing with toddler tantrums, at least a clean floor or a pile of ironed clothes is something to show for at the end of the day. Even if it's back to scratch the next day.

    And as my eldest (21months) gets bored a bit in the house at this stage (with the bad weather and fact that we're kinda stuck inside with a newborn), I even find it a way to entertain her. She loves hovering, so sometimes when we're sick of reading books or coloring, I just take the hoover out for the sake of it. Or I put her high chair near the sink and she can help me do the dishes. Or I give her a wet cloth and she can go around the house 'dusting'. Must admit it probably creates more chaos than anything, but it does kill an hour or so on rainy days when we're stuck inside the house.

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    1. SportyMummy22 February 2012 at 04:22

      Thank you for your wonderful comment!! My girls are 18 months apart and I remember how hard it was having a toddler and a baby!! I love the way you turn the house work into an activity for the kids...that gives you great satisfaction as well!

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  22. Unknown22 February 2012 at 08:12

    Ugh housework! The only good that comes from it is I can allow my mind to wonder and usually have some good ideas come out of it. Laundry is the worst for me... I would rather bang my head on the washer than sit and fold laundry, and only to have the family tornado through and mess it all up. The worst is my working mom friends that always say "yeah, but what do you do all day?" o.O at which point I tell them in every detail just what it is I do! I'm proud to be a SAHM! I am teaching my kids valuable life lessons, I am teaching my son to talk and my daughter to read, not some daycare!
    Wonderful post! I'm glad I popped in today! Now following :)

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    1. SportyMummy22 February 2012 at 16:10

      Thanks so much for your wonderful comment and for following my blog!!

      I completely get what you mean when other say 'but what do you do all day' I've had that same comment many times.....

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  23. tstarmom22 February 2012 at 13:45

    Love it, love it, love it! My thoughts exactly about housework. I spent all of January cleaning only what I absolutely had to and I was so much happier! But, then the stomach bug hit and I had to deep clean to get that funk out of our house. If you're like me, blogging is such an escape from the boredom of housework. I just can't do manual labor all day. It bores me to death and makes me want to snack! I remember when I first quit my I.T. job to be a SAHM, I would always say, "I used to be in I.T., but now I'm a SAHM." That was five years ago & my career seems like forever ago, so obviously I never mention it any more. Sometimes I think Jake's apraxia was put in my life to teach me not to devalue the worth of a mother. It's taught me that what I do day in and day out does matter and that I am making a difference. The same to you! btw- Thanks for mentioning Jake's Journey in last Friday's post about why you blog. I could so relate to that post!

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    1. SportyMummy22 February 2012 at 16:11

      Thanks so much! I think we just need to be told sometimes that what we do day in and day out does matter and that we are making a difference...thankyou!!

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