Monday 19 March 2012

In Our Family…..A Secret Weapon for Teaching My Children

Today, I’d like to share with you a list of ‘rules’ I drew up for our family about four years ago. It is more than a simple list of rues though...I credit this chart as helping to manage my children's behavior, over the past four years....it is my 'secret weapon'!

This list hangs, laminated, in several spots in out house…in the kids bedrooms, on the fridge, and on the front door, a convenient spot for time outs.

When friends come over they are often intrigued by this little poster. I am often asked where I got it from and if they can have a copy. The truth is that it came straight form my own head.,…


…..You see I have never wanted to use smacking with my kids and I have used time outs instead. I was finding though, that with the time outs, my kids (particularly my oldest daughter) would completely turn off her brain…wait for the timer to run out….utter a rudimentary ‘sorry’ and not really understand, or appreciate the reason behind the time out. If I tried to explain it to her then I’m sure all she heard was ….

…blah…blah….blah….blah…..

Even though my children could not read at the time, I found it really helpful to point at the chart and read from it word for word the ‘rule’ they had broken. Perhaps it was the colour coding, or repetition of the exact same words, or the visual clue….but having this chart there seemed to help my children understand exactly what they had done wrong….. And more importantly why it was not acceptable.

Now that my children are older, and the girls can read…I get them to point out the rule they have broken. They have virtually memorized the chart!!

I think that kids really seem to understand rules. There are rules for most games and they are intrigued by things like road rules….even if they make up their own rules for games (which can change depending on the circumstance…or who is winning…) they still understand the importance of rules and why they should be followed. Having a list of concrete rules really seemed to help my children understand what behavior was appropriate at home.

One other reason the rules worked well in our house is that the adults were held accountable to them too! Us adults were also required to asked politely for things and say sorry if we did the wrong thing. I think seeing their parents follow the rules, set an example for the children to do the same thing.!

So here is the Poster…



In Our Family…….
1. We treat each other with kindness and respect
       -no name calling
       -no hitting or hurting anyone
       -we stop when we are asked nicely
       -we answer when we are spoken to nicely

2. We treat our house, furniture and belongings with care and respect.

3. We listen to each other.

4. We use quiet inside voices inside.

5. Children do what Mummy or Daddy asks the first time.

6. We speak nicely to each other and ask for things nicely by saying please and thank you.

7. We tell the truth

8. We say sorry if we have done the wrong thing



I realise that it is not perfect and it is oversimplified…but it really seems to work wonders in our house. I understand that every family is different and it will not work for everyone…but it did work for us!

Do you use ‘time out’ with your children? Do have any tactics that helped teach your children appropriate behavior?? I’d love to hear about them in the comments!

On this lovely Tuesday, I’m linking up with that awesome 'Dish',  Jess over at Diary of a SAHM for #IBOT! Come over and read some great Tuesday posts!


16 comments:

  1. i love it! fantastic idea I have been thinking of doing this for a while, the kids are always fighting and getting them to read a poster like this might help them! thanks for posting it!

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    1. Thanks so much Sarah! If you give it a try, I'd love to know how it goes with your children!

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  2. My girls are pretty good, but I put that down to not letting a single infraction slide, ever. Like good 'ol Dr Phil says, I get to pick the rock bottom I will let their behaviour sink to before I act. And I chose not-very-far-down-at-all! This is a very tiring road to travel, however. But, I can happily say the three yr old is regularly complemented on her behaviour by random strangers, and stacks up well against other kids we meet. I figure a couple of years hard graft at the beginning is worth the dividends that I am already reaping :)

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    1. Sounds like you have things under control there! My girls were actually pretty well behaved when they were small...but my son...lets just say I wished I had a t-shirt saying "my other children were well behaved....I don't really suck as a parent!"

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    2. Yeah, half under control, the one year old is wild! If you make the shirt, I'll buy one...

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  3. I love the fact that not only are they rules that the adults in the house follow, but they also broadly follow the rules that general society expects everyone to follow. So they are learning life skills early on. A great idea!

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    1. Thanks Misha, I'd never thought of it that way before :)

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  4. I like that your list applies to adults too. Leading by example still has to be the number one disciplining tool! Thanks for sharing x

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    1. Thanks Emily...I so agree with leading by example, kids seem to copy what you do, and not what you say!

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  5. I absolutely love this - and the way it is a 'family ethos' or 'family standard' is fantastic.
    :-) x

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  6. This is an an awesome list. I'm pretty sure most things fit into these rules.

    My trick with older kids, and time out, is to ask them to stay in their room until they have had a change of heart. I can usually tell when they come out of they are truly repentant, and if I'm not sure, I will say' ok, the is for saying sorry, but I'd like you to go back to your room for a few more minutes.' If they accept this gracefully, I know they are sorry and ready to cooperate, but if they get upset I know they were just playing it. This works for us, because I'm big on kids accepting responsibility for their actions. :)

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    1. Thanks Jess...and thanks for that great tip on time outs. I am defiantly going to try that one!

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  7. These are great rules. We haven't gotten to this stage quite yet, but I love reading ones that others have developed- they give me lost of good ideas!

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  8. We have similar rules but I haven't printed them out. I am going to steal your idea and stick them up all over the house. Thanks for sharing. Rachel

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  9. Your family rules seem perfect. However putting my wife on the naughty step, in retrospect, was probably not a good idea.

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